No stitches, just platelets and will power
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
