I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I want you more than these girls want KFC
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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