Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
