if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Barsexuality is the new black.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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