Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
