I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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