You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
