Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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