it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
