so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
