Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
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A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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