she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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