i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
