i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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