So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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