her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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