Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
