He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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