My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
