Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
