i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
