Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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