I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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