Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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