Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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