Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
