Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
