I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
