My hand turned me down
someone owes me an orgasm
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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