By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
