So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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