I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
