I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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