People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
