No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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