sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
