Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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