He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
