he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
