Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize