We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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