So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
