Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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