Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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