Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
