Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
