bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
