Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
