he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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