chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
