im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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