sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
