Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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