If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
