Please, let me fuck your mom
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
