I seem to have left my pride at pride
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
