Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
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he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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