is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
