He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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