It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
