Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
