this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
