I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
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Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
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If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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