Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
