4 words: hood of his car
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
