You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
