$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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