Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i dont even know how to be here
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
