I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
