so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
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Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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