I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
