he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
