somebody snuck up and got me drunk
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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