Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
